Family Court Custody Crisis

ACE says that most of the harm from domestic violence and child abuse is caused by living with the fear and stress abusers cause rather than any immediate physical injuries. Most domestic violence is neither physical nor illegal.  Considering all domestic violence tactics makes it easier to prove abuse because there are so many more examples and some are more likely to offer witnesses or other proof. Many if not most DV custody cases involve “only” one or a few incidents of physical assaults. Once an abuser assaults his partner, he has demonstrated what he is capable of so doesn’t have to repeatedly assault his partner to coerce her to do what he wants. Focusing on a larger group of abusive tactics makes it easier for courts to recognize his abuse and motives.

Some courts refuse to consider incidents of abuse unless they are recent. ACE demonstrates this is a mistake. The purpose of considering reports of domestic violence and child abuse is because of the severe harm caused to children. This risk is not reduced because of the passage of time.  One physical assault is often sufficient to tell the adult victim and children what the abuser is capable of.  Other non-physical abusive tactics serve as a reminder of what could happen if they don’t obey the abuser. ACE tells us that courts need to focus on the fear and stress abuse causes and this means any history of abuse goes to the essence of the well- being of children.

Contested custody cases are often the last chance to save children from the life-altering consequences of exposure to ACEs.  In order to save children, they will need medical treatment and therapy both to respond to problems as they develop and to reduce the stress. The problem is that abusers want to minimize the harm they caused and don’t want children in therapy where their abuse might be revealed. Accordingly, abusers use shared parenting to prevent children from getting the treatment they need and this takes away their last chance to overcome the effects of domestic violence and child abuse.

Judges, lawyers, and evaluators unfamiliar with the ACE Research inevitably minimize DV and child abuse harm. Their failure to focus on the majority of domestic violence tactics that don’t involve physical assaults makes it much harder to recognize abuse or the motives of abusers. Professionals without the benefit of ACE fail to focus on reducing the fear and stress of victims of abuse and so throw away the last chance to save children from the awful consequences. When courts require experts to be trauma-informed, judges can make decisions that help children heal instead of pushing the pain deep inside the children where it will cause so much more harm.

Unqualified court professionals often view a child’s fear of an alleged abuser as an obstacle to the co-parenting and parent-child relationship courts seek to promote. In reality, fear is a warning that such a relationship is harmful and dangerous to the child, at least until the abuser makes the necessary changes. ACE tells us that most of the harm from abuse is caused by the fear that DV and child abuse creates. The well-being and future of the child depend on reducing the fear and stress the abuser caused. Today, this need is far from the priority that it should be.

In most contested custody cases, there is “only” one or a few incidents of abuse. These assaults are almost always committed in private, so there are no witnesses. Unqualified professionals seek to dismiss the issue as “he-said-she-said” so they can move on to less important issues that they are more comfortable with. Most DV is neither physical nor illegal. Domestic violence is about control, coercion, and abuser’s sense of entitlement. The purpose of DV is not to inflict the most pain but to enforce the rules he feels entitled to make. Other common DV tactics include emotional, verbal, psychological, and economic abuse, isolating tactics, monitoring, litigation abuse, and attempts to deprive children of their primary attachment figure and harm children as the best way to hurt their victim. These other tactics are often easier to prove because they are more likely to have witnesses, documentary proof, or admissions because the abuser sees nothing wrong with these harmful tactics. These additional incidents would make it easier for courts to recognize DV and his motives if only courts understood this information’s significance. ACE tells us that these non-physical tactics cause fear and stress in children and are a reminder of any past physical abuse.